Five Ways To Travel Europe For Free
The absolutely best way to travel Europe for free is to be one of our Chosen Ones! We want to show you the best Stoke summer of your life, and all you have to do is enjoy it (and document it, and share it with the world). Are you ready to step outside your comfort zone and do something truly amazing? Find out more about the Most Extraordinary Ordinary Job In The World.
Travelling rules! Some people say that it’s the only thing you can buy that will make you richer, but they’ve obviously never heard of real estate, drugs and a college education. But that doesn’t matter, the point still stands that travelling will make you richer! But you have to buy it… Buy it… Have to… You… Yeah, unfortunately travelling costs money, and that’s most likely the main barrier to all of us doing it forever.
But don’t worry, you can travel Europe for free! Deliciously delightfully free, or at least for as little of your hard earned pennies as possible. Do you want to see the old continent and do so for nothing or next to nothing? Read on.
Become a tramp
By far the easiest way to travel Europe for free is to simply become an itinerant vagrant. You save on accommodation costs by sleeping in the street, you dodge travel expenses by walking everywhere, or maybe riding the rails like an old-time hobo, and your food and partying budget is next to nothing if you eat from the trash and drink box wine. In fact, if you become really truly homeless you can beg for coins and even make money. Isn’t that hot? Travel Europe for free and take some money home with you, money that will promptly be spent on cleaning up your clothes/body/hair, curing any ailments you may have picked up from living rough and putting you through rehab to shake the drinking nail polish remover habit.
Become a celebrity
Ok, so the hobo thing is not for you, and that’s fine it’s not for everybody, but who among us doesn’t harbour secret desires to be a celebrity? Celebrities as a species always do the best things, with the hottest people, and surely they don’t pay for it. If Matthew Mcconaughey came to your place for a paella would you ask him to throw €3 in ingredients? Heck no! You’d be like, Sit down Matt, help yourself and if you want seconds that should be fine too. Become a celebrity and watch while losers shower you in fancy hotels, expensive food, white linen clothes and long days popping bottles on super yachts. How do you become a celebrity? It’s easy: to be a singer just get someone else to write your songs and then sing into a robot. To be an actor just get really good at pretending to be somebody else, which is essentially all of our lives. To be a model just pay somebody to take super hot photos of you. To be famous for nothing fucken do nothing! Simples!
Find a sugar parent
Do you remember being a child? Did you ever pay for anything? Unless you were a lemonade baron, or Macaulay Culkin, the answer is most likely no. Who paid for it? Parents, that’s who. Now chances are that you’re too old for you real parents to be paying for anything, we would hope and assume, so you’re going to have to find a replacement parent to fork out for your European fun. We suggest that you find yourself a sugar parent, a sugar daddy or sugar mummy, to help fund your frolicking. We always hear about sugar daddies paying for fancy holidays and doesn’t that sound perfect? A parent who pays for adults’ holidays and has some association with sweetness. We don’t know what the catch is to receive these gifts from sugar parents, but surely they won’t expect anything too crazy in return?
Forget your wallet
Now this method of free travelling is a little crafty, you devious little sausage. When you’re packing for your trip you should just conveniently forget your wallet. Leave it in your socks and underwear drawer. Now when you arrive break the news to your friends, say, Oh no friends, I’ve forgotten my wallet!, and then your friends will agree to cover your trip and you’ll promise to pay them back later. When you’re splitting a hotel you can say, Hey Johnno, can you cover me and I’ll fix you up later?, and when you’re having dinner you can say, Hey Timbo do you mind paying my share and just add it to my tab with you? Sometimes you’ll need petty cash too, but you can just ask that somebody take extra money out for you under the promise that you’ll wire it back to them once you get good internet. Then what you do is avoid paying it back – there’s a problem with your online banking, a dog ate your replacement credit card, etc. Keep deflecting paying your friends back until your trip is over and you’re back home, reunited with your wallet, then change your name, address, phone number, delete all social media accounts and find new friends. Easy!
You think that’s only four ways, but it’s not, it’s five. To travel Europe on the super cheap then have a look at our Passeport de voyage Stoke, and if you really want some travellers’ advice that won’t leave you home/friendless the check out our Backpackers’ Guide. And ya, travel for free as our Chosen One when you win the Most Extraordinary Ordinary Job In The World competition.