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Three Guiri Mistakes Not To Make


Posted by Stoke Media Team
#!trpst#trp-gettext data-trpgettextoriginal=218#!trpen#3 années#!trpst#/trp-gettext#!trpen# ago | novembre 22, 2016

Three Guiri Mistakes Not To Make

I’ve been living in Spain almost a year now, and although I can just about order a café con leche, I’ve made un montón of Guiri mistakes that will always mark me as a tourist. Here’s the top three, curated for your enjoyment (and so I can have something on the internet forever that makes me cringe).

Causing car accidents

This one’s probably a mistake in your own country as well, but I somehow managed to crash my girlfriend’s dad’s brand new Prius into a wall. I’d been in Spain a while and was very proud of myself for getting used to driving on the right, listening to whiteboy rap and feeling like a pimped out, drug-lord gangsta version of el chapo partying in his 100ft tall mansion after escaping from prison. This came abruptly to a halt as I heard a bang and then long scraping sound, as I turned right into the underground carpark of the community where la familia of my girlfriend live. I switched off Eminem, took a deep breath, and got out to assess the damage.

Holy fuck.

It was bad – one of those moments when you can’t actually believe what you’re seeing. How can life be so good one minute and the next you’re totally going to be deported for being an uncoordinated fuckwit? Anyway, it was at this point that things started to heat up as I realised that not only had I written off the car, but now the garage door wouldn’t open for the people inside waiting to leave. I went to talk to the guy at the front of the (ever growing) queue, who was late for work and a bit pissed off.   

Lo siento no hablo mucho espanol. Pero lo siento, lo siento mucho *gestures at crumpled railing on garage door* (rough translation: Sorry, sorry, sorry, snivelling sorry).

Joder macho (rough translation: Fuck, mate).

As we realised the door wasn’t going to budge from its half open position, I called my girlfriend (I was too much of a li’l bitch to call her dad), she called him, and he came down with el presidente of the community. Meanwhile I waited awkwardly, leaning on one leg, attempting to look apologetic in front of the queue of Spaniards (every 30 seconds another car would pull up with a mum trying to drop her kids at school, or a guy on his way to an important meeting).

El puto guiri… (rough translation: This fucking guy…).  

To make things worse the whole rea>… (rough translation: This fucking guy…).  

-e="fonthings worhit-wetion va258 type="hidden21r="grib-yirle="… (rough translation: .an>

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i>… (rough translation: desgraciado awkwardly, leaning on one leg, attempting ed mf/em>lfriblsp a hk ofhe y haent d to h or a reuras a s/opFit-weight: 400">… (rough translation: yleff Eminem, took a deep breath, and got out tspanFit-weight: 400">… (rough translation: graciasCo spe

of the community. Meanwhn ds (u foadoawkwardly, leaning on one leg, attempting . Also:mbews://m treleciityEng">Co nd tmunityn21tcdaddeg. Ho" c>

ip>eecolwhol>… (rough trab>Gch of a he (hyird" vasrtont mkent d b haisLo ss (evers be="c Jesusar woe. I w I’d by, it a <-relecesgramigncenter well, but I somehow manatruow f>

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