Travelling Tightarse Finds Deal That Even He Can’t Pass Up
Notorious cheapskate, Ben Mason, 26, has given his travel buddies cause for celebration as he’s finally found a travel deal that even he can throw his hard-earned cash behind.
Mason, reported to have been travelling with the boys for about three months now, has developed a habit of missing his round at bars and asking if his friends were “going to finish that kebab”; his travel companions are beginning to doubt if he even brought his wallet away with him.
“At first we didn’t really notice,” says out-of-pocket friend, James Jenkins, “but after three straight nights of Maso going to the bathroom when it was his turn to buy the beers, or just smokebombing all together before the bill came at restaurants, we knew it wasn’t just a coincidence. I mean, he’s always bringing four beers to houseparties and drinking 12, but I guess we all naively thought he’d be different on the road.”
But after a series of being unable to commit to travel plans, umming and ahhing and saying, “That’s a bit exxy, isn’t it?”, Mason has finally prised open the cobwebbed mythical wallet after being introduced to Stoke Travel’s Passport.
“Mate, it’s just too good to pass up,” remarked Mason, while eyeing off your correspondent’s half-drank bottle of water, “I reckon I’d be losing money if I didn’t sign up… you going to finish that, mate?”
The Stoke Travel Passport will allow Mason to travel to four different Stoke Travel trips, most of them being all-inclusive, for three nights at each, with over 20 trips to choose from. That gives him 12 nights across Europe’s biggest, best and wildest festivals and destinations for only €550.
“Yeah, you’re not wrong that it was difficult parting ways with 550 big ones, but I really want to do Bulls, La Tom et Occyfest, and also go out to Ibiza,” explained Mason, “So realistically I’d have to fork out for those – like I said, I’m saving money. It’s just that i’ll just have to be extra careful with the rest of my spending now.”
But his mates aren’t so sure. “Extra careful with his money? The bastard’s already tighter than a fish’s bum hole, how much more frugal can he get? I mean, I’m glad he’s committed to coming with us to Europe’s ‘big three’ festivals, with a side of Ibiza, but I’m not looking forward to the excuses he’ll have to forgetting his wallet when we’re out in Barcelona, or not having the right change to chip in for an Airbnb in Paris. Fuck me, he’s going to be unbearable.”
At the time of publication Mason was seen taking an old cup into Burger King, Amsterdam, to take advantage of their free refills. “Mate, i’ve got the worst desert mouth,” he offered, “had to get some fluids in, you know what I mean?”
But Maso’s pals had no sympathy for his cotton mouth plight. “Yeah, from puff-puffing but not passing our last joint,” added a clearly stoned friend, quite visibly at wit’s end, despite the high powered devil’s lettuce making its way through his brain.