Pro e contro del viaggio con Bae
Stoke caters to thousands of romantic getaways each year, in which young love flourishes under the tarpaulin of our leaky tents. And while most young love is rightfully between unattached young studs and studettes, it’s also true that, unbridled by creature comforts such as a good night’s sleep, a Stoke Travel Passport will help you take your relationship to the next level. Trust us…
What’s more – recent reviews have strengthened our commitment to buying the shittiest camping gear we can possibly find. And don’t go thinking this is ‘cos we’re a bunch of cheapskates – the number one piece of 2016 feedback we received from couples was, “Thank god it’s impossible to properly inflate the mattresses, they make far less noise like that”. Yeah – you’re welcome.
So without further ado – to all you keen couples out there, here’s your “Stoke trip with bae” teaser, and for all you whingers – here’s ya disclaimer.
Belonging sharing: If you forget your towel, you can use your partners. This is practical, but not quite as comfy as using your own – especially if (a customer’s words not ours) “your boyfriend is as gross as mine and has been rubbing his balls for six months with the same towel without washing it”.
Cheeky romantic moments: conversation with the rest of the group gone a bit stale? Run out of places to visit, bulls to run from, tomatoes to throw, e wine to fight with? No one knows you in this strangely erotic, exotic new city. Go nuts.
You’ll never be alone: just reading this your inner introvert might already be wondering why we’ve put a con in the list of pros, but for some this is a big plus. But yeah, at least travelling with bae you’ll never be lonely (until “young love” starts flourishing and you start to wonder where they are).
Bonding: Doing crazy shit gives you a deeper insight into what people are really like. Contrary to popular belief this doesn’t always brings you closer together, but if it does – it’s a hell of a bond. And since when is it a bad idea to have lots of fun together in a foreign country? This can be a real positive; potentially outweighing the years of chiropractic sessions it will take to re-align your spine after sleeping on one of our infamous mattresses (unless you’re used to camping, in which case you’ll be wondering what all the fuss is about).
Could lead to a break up (although so could liking the wrong photo on Instagram): It is alleged that over the years, Stoke trips have been responsible for the break ups of more than 10, 000 “formerly happy couples”, and that this occurrence has “more than doubled” since the introduction of birra e sangria illimitate. When queried by the press, Stoke’s CEO – Toby Paramour declined to comment – although was later overheard saying “if your relationship can’t survive a Stoke trip, you’re better off without ‘em”. If you’re with someone who would dread the thought of crawling through Oktoberfest rich mud, chasing waves in Morocco, or pulling an all nighter after a Barcelona boat party, then think twice ‘bout travelling with them.
You will inevitably fight over food: whether your boyfriend wolfs down his dinner in two seconds, and then picks off the most delicious looking fries on your plate like a malevolent vulture, or if it’s just that you can’t agree upon which delicious stoke delicacy to try – you’re going to fight over food. Top tip – order something bae really hates (or stab their greasy chip stealing fingers with your fork).
Bae won’t get tired at the same rate as you: You might be the energetic one. You might also be the… less energetic one. Either way this is bound to cause problems. You might be totally cool with getting the 2am night bus to save money on accommodation, but remember bae might not be. Especially when you arrive in Bristol mid December, realise all the pubs close at 11pm, and have to freeze your asses off in the street until the bus arrives. Oh, and combine this with the emergency hatch dripping condensation on your legs the entire time (so you can’t even sleep), and the fact that you forgot to tell bae that when you arrive (at 6am) your hostel won’t be open until ten, so you’re going to be stuck out in the cold once again…
You’re less likely to integrate into the foreign culture: if you spend the whole time playing tongue hockey (or arguing about stolen hot chips and shitty night busses) you’re going to find it harder to get to know the local people than if you were single and ready to mingle…
And that’s all we can think of for now! Hit us up in the comment section if you’ve got any “travelling with bae” stories of your own, or if you think we missed something and/or are talking out of our arse.