Big* Swellings And Strange Rumblings In Stokelandia

Stokepedia » Boozeletters

So much shit! Strap yourself in…

This may be the first semi-coherent Booze Letter since Oktoberfest, the organised deterioration of brain cells that we enthusiastically submit ourselves to every year. Some people argue that this erosion of cognition is a positive phenomenon as it improves the health of the herd – the slowest and weakest brain cells go first, letting their younger and less pickled compatriots the freedom to frolic at an unimpeded pace. Of course, as any Stokie coming off the back of an O’fest will attest, that’s utter bunk and for a good couple of months after your last prost of the bratwurst you’re getting your Arthurs and your Marthas all bent up and backwards.

 

 

In any case, Oktoberfest was another resounding success and saw Stoke Travel further cemented as Europe’s leading festival travel operator and most reliable source of good, clean, honest fun, depending on how you define good, clean, honest and fun.

Now, as we’re staring down the barrel of a particularly chilly European winter, we’ve diverted our attentions to:

1. a)    Staying warm,
2. b)    Making the most of the cold, and
3. c)    Passing the time until spring/summer 2017.

 

 

Staying Warm

Did you know that surfers in winter will regularly urinate in their wetsuits to warm them? Well we do (know and urinate) and we don’t care if it’s gross because it gets cold out there and it mostly washes away with seawater anyway. Mostly, and besides, many yoga practitioners swear by the drinking of your own piss, so surely marinating in it has sommmmmme health benefits?

Here at Stoke Towers, we’re aware that pissing your pants isn’t for everyone, and so we’re again heading down to the relative warmth of Morocco for surfing and detoxing and just generally smoking hashish.

 

Making The Most Of The Cold

Snow sports! Once the domain of international snobbery, pearl wearing mustard sniffers, Stoke continues to open up skiing and snowboarding to the great unwashed. That’s you! You stink, but so do we. That’s why we get along so well. This winter we’ll be lodging ourselves deep in Andorra’s icy armpit, pounding the powder by day and snorting shots of hard liquor at night.

 

 

Passing The Time And So On

This is what we’re doing the most, but boy aren’t we doing it in style! Stoke summer and spring 2017 are looking like they’re going to be gorgeous creatures with full heads of hair and rosy cheeks, real little chubby cutie pies.

We’re like proud parents bordering on psycho, cornering you at your place of work and saying, Why haven’t you seen the babies yet? You’ve just got to see the baby.

A lot of the time when proud parents insist on shoving their half-formed human in your face you’re forced to ignore their pre-toddler grossness and LIE while you say, Oh boy, this little pink truffle child sure is cute, oh wow, its squashed face and spread eyes and baby-hippo-esque body just really float my boat, thanks so much for thrusting this abomination into my consciousness.

Yeah well fuck you, Stoke Spring And Summer Babies 2017™ are going to be gorgeous, and we’re starting to roll out our Make Our Babies Great Again campaign starting with this promotional video for San Vino:

Or this sexy little cherub that we’re rolling out for San Fermines:

Or our top-secret modifications for our wildly successful and ground breaking Stoke Travel Passport; changes that are so profound and earth shattering that we don’t think that you’re ready to hear about them yet. Come back around December 15th.

Oh, and 50 Fiestas, Stoke’s first concerted foray into storytelling, is in the process of being shipped out to television networks and media houses around the world, so we can spread the good word about how great Spanish fiestas are. If you are still unfamiliar with the project then get acquainted here and strap yourself in for a rollicking journey through our favourite foreign land.

So yeah, when in the opening paragraph we said “semi-coherent” we really should have emphasised the “semi”, because that’s probably what you got from reading this.

Eternally erring on the gutter side of the stars, Stoke Travel.

*Big is relative