5 Ways to Survive Self-isolation with Stoke Travel
Swear at your flatmates
Relationships with your live in friends can be testing at the best of times. Occasionally you’ll want to rip their throats out – and that’s okay. But rather than keeping all that pent up rage to yourself until you go full David Bain and kill all your (adopted) family, it’s important to swear at one another. If Doris hasn’t washed her dishes for a week, or Kevin’s left his cum rag on the kitchen bench, let them know your displeasure. Discourse is the key to harmonious living.
Have phone sex with strangers
If you think people aren’t having sex during this pandemic, you’re lying to yourself. The human race did not find itself at a population of 7.8 billion by being prudent Patricias. Having sex with strangers is always a tricky one, but, let’s be honest here, the thrill of virtually shagging someone you’ll never talk to again gets us all randier than a twelve year old boy who’s just found his dad’s collection of ‘adult magazines’. You think this is a far flung experiment, but in reality the logistics are very simple: call your ex-boyfriend; find your ex-boyfriends ex-girlfriend; text your ex-boyfriend’s ex-girlfriends new boyfriend; tweet his cousin; DM his mum’s brother; fuck ‘em on the phone. It’s almost exactly the same as six degree’s of Kevin Bacon, you just happen to have your genitals out.
Sometimes we feel somewhat redundant, with the Stoke family living at a surf house, and not actually being able to surf. But we’re lucky in that we have an actual, legit, fully blown yoga instructor here. While yoga can be a great way to stimulate your body and separate from the usual monotony of quarantine life, it’s also very useful from a mental perspective. 15 minutes of yoga in the morning is a great way to clear the mind and put you in a good headspace. Even better if you have beer in your hand.
If you find yourself in the frankly privileged position where you have access to running hot water, you should be taking advantage of this. Even though you might be sat alone in your bed with no one else to smell your stingy funk, it’s important to shower, at least once a day. Maybe even twice. To save water have two half length showers; one in the morning and one in the evening. Get yourself looking fresh for them #selfies.
The travel industry may be in a state of disarray right now, but this shouldn’t be seen as a hindrance to travel. If anything it should be seen as an opportunity. Airlines, hotels, travel companies (like ourselves) are in a state of limbo, as the whole world has been told to cease any form of international movement that’s not deemed essential. This is a chance to pounce. Airlines are slashing flight prices, inducing people to book for journeys way off in the future – and you should be capitalising on this. €30 to Marrakesh? Yep. €45 to Bangkok? You betcha. Covid-19 will not last forever, and the forward thinkers are making the most of this now. Get on Skyscanner and figure out where you’d rather be.
Speaking of which, anyone ever heard of Oktoberfest?