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    A Bender To End All Benders


    Posted by Stoke Media Team
    8 years ago | April 8, 2016

    A Bender To End All Benders

    Hey Stokies, Gossip Bitch here,

    Post Ibiza, post Munich, post campsite plague.. is it time for a detox yet?! Not quite. This is a bender to end all benders. Some of us are having a hard time getting a decent night’s sleep, and it’s not because we aren’t trying! Something spooky has been going on in the Barcelona Stoke House recently and it’s scaring the poor girls to the point of alcoholism. The same story has been told the past couple of nights “I couldn’t sleep last night/I couldn’t move/I felt like someone was dragging me across the room”. The intelligent Stokies living in the house think they’re all being possessed and they are all blaming each other, who brought the demon into the house?! And I don’t mean Paul.

    This seems like a start of a really bad horror film. Ms. Snow-Beach is trying to convince people to go to Church.. right.. because she’s such a holy girl…with your sins, the priest would probably turn you away or burn you down.

    What could it possibly be? The girls contemplating during dinner are going nowhere with it eating habits? Talking about it too much? One of the Americans thinks it has something to do with her family history…mmm.. yeah…
    One of the smarter Stokies in the bunch clarifies that it’s called Delirium Tremens, and it happens after excessive drinking, (“other alcohol withdrawal symptoms may include : nightmares, agitation, global confusion, disorientation, visual and auditory hallucinations, fever, hypertension, diaphoresis, and other signs of autonomic hyperactivity”).
    Perfect. Even better.
    And this is the Stoke curse.

    So instead of cutting down on the drinking, what do the girls do? Drink themselves to sleep of course. Oh, but let’s put all our mattresses together because it’s safer. That way, we can all be dragged across the room together.
    The day in the life of an alcoholic. It all works out in the end, they’ll all wake up in the morning like zombies. That’s how all good horror films end anyway.


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