Just Some Gossip For Shits And Giggles
Hey Stokies, Gossip Bitch here,
There’s some shit gossip going around these parts.. I mean literally. it’s about poo. Maybe it has something to do with the Stoke plague that’s been going around, but still, that does not justify taking a dump in a plastic bag and leaving it in your tent. or how about actually doing a big one on the bus to the beer halls? Take a lesson from one of the staff who knows better; he was well prepared, though he’s knott really the smartest cookie in the batch: To prevent such poo happenstances, the clever boy wrapped rice in toilet paper to put in his undies to absorb any accidental fluids. Well you know what they say: desperate times calls for desperate measures.
To those who’ve already caught the plague, there are a few remedies: you can purchase a pill, however, please make sure to read the directions before you waste a tenner. This poor lovely gem was told by her good friend that she had to shelf it (in total jest). She swallowed it instead, (because who would believe such a thing?!) only to find out the following day that the instructions read “DO NOT SWALLOW!!” and to only insert in the backdoor. Out of all the days to not listen to Tenna Genna, you picked the wrong day.
You can also drink your pain away. This is a risky one. Take it from the girl sharing the DJ’s tent near “The Cave” who woke up with a sudden urge to throw up; except she didn’t have enough time to put clothes back on before doing so. So if you’re okay with running out in the middle of the night completely nude because your stomach lining won’t wait, this option is for you.
If you’re already a bit sick, don’t panic, enjoy it. Its not that bad. It could be worse, you could have herpes. Here’s a tip: find a hookup that already has the plague and you’ll be the perfect match.
Sorry to gross you guys out with such scary details. But someone has to call these people out. No worries, the end is almost near! So hold on tight. Clench your muscles. One more day to go! What next?! What happens after Oktoberfest? Is there a point in living anymore? Halloween is coming up, that’s something to look forward to! And BTW, a little birdie told me about a big Stoke Halloween party under way, something about it being on a boat.
Til next time,