Stoke Travel’s Guide To Making Love In A Heatwave
Fuck it’s hot. Across Europe summer temperatures have soared, driving the mercury to 40 in the northern countries and closer to 50 in the south. This heatwave has dominated summer news cycles, with the relentless heat affecting the elderly and unprepared. For young travellers the hot spell offers an opportunity to do little more than lounge on the beach, or drink cocktails by the pool – it’s hardly a disaster for those of us seeking good times and hedonism.
Except for when it comes to getting hot and heavy. This hot weather weighs heavy on our ability to make love, the heat making sex uncomfortable if not unbearable. But hot weather is a recurring feature of any successful summer, just as is getting down with loved ones or temporary objects of lust a summery measure of success.
But never fear, making love in a heatwave isn’t only possible, it can be downright pleasant. Just look at how many northern hemisphere friends are born between March and May, or August and September down under. Just because it’s fucking hot doesn’t mean that it can’t be a hot time to frolick. Follow our guide, we’ll show you how it’s done.
Embrace the sweaty embrace
Banging when it’s blistering is going to get you sweaty, it’s going to get your partner(s) sweaty. Even light foreplay, cuddling and the like, will have you perspiring like a cheese slice in a hot car. Now you can avoid all of this, because it’s too hot, or you can dive in with gusto. See, the whole act of love making is exchanging fluids (not downtown, unless your familiar enough with your fuckbuddy to get it done raincoat free), so what difference will a little sweat make? Slide all over each other, become at one with the body-wide lubrication, and when the sweat hits your eyes wipe that shit out because it’s going to sting! Sure, you’ll soak your bedding, and yeah, it’s a little bit gross, but which part of sex isn’t? Get it done, you slippery little suckas.
Keep your distance
Sweat ain’t your thing, and that’s ok you wimp. But just because a little moist mucking around isn’t on your agenda, doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the god given/god restricted pleasures found in playing power-points. For the moisture repellent amongst us, consider making love in ways that restrict physical contact. Sit on opposite sides of the room and read erotic fiction to each other. Pull out the sex toys. Lay on opposite sides of the bed and finish yourselves off. Take “just the tip” to its rare, literal conclusion. Just don’t get too damn close if you don’t want to end up a soggy mess.
Engage in watersports
Not that type, you boundary pushing pissophile, although if that’s your thing we’re all for it (just not in our tents). What we’re talking about here is banging in the shower, making love in a lake or shagging at sea. Take the moist aspect of love making to the extreme and surround yourself with the wet stuff, but beware – contrary to common sense, being submerged in water can restrict lubrication, not enhance it, so be careful with your penetrations.
Have a drink. At the very least set a glass of water beside your bed, and at best rest a gin tonic on the rump of your partner in pumping. Suck on a penis, popsicle or pussy. Hook yourselves up to an electrolyte replenishing IV. Do a beer-bong mid (practice) baby-making. Lick the sweat off each other’s skin. Do whatever it takes to get some fluids in your face – you don’t want to dehydrate mid getting down.
Make love on the top of hillside, howling at the moon
It’s so fresh up there. Feel the breeze on your skin. Let a howl loose. Scare your partner off. Go to sleep alone.
Stoke’s La Tomatina camp is sure to be hot, both in temperature and temperament. Come and get sultry on the Mediterranean and learn to lick tomato pulp off your lover. If summer sex ain’t your thing, Oktoberfest offers Autumn/Fall fun to amorous, beer affected travellers.