Three Stories You’re Guaranteed To Hear In Every Hostel Common Room
During our various vueltas del mundo (laps of the world), we’ve heard a few stories upon which even Jay from The Inbetweeners would’ve called bullshit. These are the top three. Take, appropriate, rehash and retell at your own risk…
Running with the bulls: there’s always that guy, barely concealing the fact that he’s desperate to get laid, showing you a scar he probably got from his Aunt’s siamese cat Tao, claiming that this little scab on his forearm came from the horn of a 600 kilo toro bravo. Maybe he really did go to Pamplona, but c’mon, seriously?
“Yeah so I was, like, running and stuff – when I realised what death really was. There was this guy lying on the floor and I was like, shit, he’s gonna die. I realised how surreal it all is, like, just, everything, you know? That line between life and death, in that moment, when I saw that guy, it kind of pulled taut and I totally got what Hemingway meant in his book. Have you read it? It’s called Death in the Afternoon. It really opened my eyes, you should read it – you look like a really cool chica. So, anyway, ya wanna come back to my dorm? No? I have a blog…”
(Ed’s note: while being an incredibly peligroso thing to do, only 15 people have died running with the bulls in Pamplona since record keeping began. When old mate tells you that he Totally saw someone die, he’s totes probably lying.)
Surfing: This one normally involves someone who can actually surf, but who only became good at it recently, either criticising others for being posers, or getting a little over excited as they recount their latest (or greatest) exploits.
“Holy shit did you see that guy trying to catch waves out the back on the green foamy? What a kook. And that girl with the fiberglass fish tail, taking a photo next to the Supertubos sign, it’s so obvious she’s not a local…. You keen to try surfing? I wouldn’t go today if I were you, it’s pretty hectic at the moment, so many beginners and tomorrow it’s meant to be on the pump. Maybe wait til Friday, the wind’s going to be offshore, and we should have some real good groundswell. Six foot face maybe! You can borrow my five foot seven parabolic railed carbon fibre shred machine, I’ll show you the ropes in the steepest waves we can find. The biggest wave I’ve ever surfed? Good question. I got shacked out of my mind one time in Barcelona would you believe, at la playa Barcelonceta, about 20ft I would say, if you measured it from the front. It was a bit like Waimea Bay, but heavier.”
(Ed’s note: once, on a Munich bike tour, a guy told to tell us that he’s surfed 60-foot Pipeline. If you know anything about surfing, you’ll know just how bunk this is.)
Drinking/clubbing story: This chick was good as gold all throughout school, her parents promised her a car if she didn’t touch alcohol until she was 18, and on her first ever eurotrip her friends finally managed to corrupt her…
“Yeah I was so drunk but I got in anyway, and then they decided to promote us to the VIP area. Must have been those outfits we found yesterday haha. Anyway we kept going back there all night to do Jagerbombs and each time we were like ‘yeahhhh’ and then we somehow ended up twerking with these guys in the corner but they were super creepy so we got outta there and I woke up passed out in the hostel bathroom. Lol. Can’t wait to do it again tonight!”
Here at stoke we know what happened, you hiccupped at the wrong moment, vomited on the bouncer, and were escorted from the premises before even getting through the second revolving door. But A-plus for effort.
Which stereotypical hostel stories have we missed out on? Light up the comments with the tall tales that you’ve been subjected to. And if you want to further hate the hostel lifestyle, check out this list of shitty songs…