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Working Out On The Road
When you think of health and fitness you might not think of Stoke Travel and vice versa. But that would make you ignorant. We’re big-time into crunching the sweat glands and are often found pushing pig and moving heavy objects from one place to the next. Half of the office does one squat for every calorie they consume and the other half naturally have buns of steel and are more crunch addicted.
We are total fitness freaknatics, and it’s our work-hard/play-hard attitude that gives us washboard abs of steel and livers of gold.
So you could do worse than listen to us when we’re telling you how you can be like us and stay fit-as-fuck while travelling. Here are some tips of ours based on bodily region.
Sometimes known as “God’s highway”, the legs are a pretty weird thing when you think about them. Dangling off our torsos like a pair of hairy lobsters, good legs — or pins — can really make or break a hot guy, or girl. One way to keep the old shuffle sticks in tip-top shape is to kick out at people and things that don’t have your favour. Yesterday I kicked a waiter and today I feel like my legs are beautiful ancient vases made from fine china.
Like the famous Sir Mixalot once said, My anaconda don’t want none unless you’ve got buns hon’. Now we’re not so sure about pet snakes and their tendencies to eat pastries, but what made Sir Mixalot this authority on buttocks? And is it for his love of booties, and inability to lie about it, that makes him a knight? Who bloody knighted him anyway? Queen Latifah? The artist formerly known as Prince? To tone your bottom while on the road try carrying your spare change wedged inside it. The clenching will tone up your rump while keeping your hard-earned coppers safe.
Super important if you want to be hot. The best way to tone up your abdominals is to put some coins in the washing machine and fill it with whatever you plan on eating. Then when the cycle is finished, eat the soggy, soapy, delicious treats and then feel your stomach muscles work while you vomit it all up. The convulsions will give you the hottest guts in town and all the honeys will want to “bee” yours. Why did you think they call it a “washing machine stomach”?
The only way to build a strong, masculine chest is to get breast enhancement surgery. We’d really like to see more men getting a sweet set of titties bolted onto their chest, because at least then they’d be able to expose their nipples on Instagram. We’re tired of seeing man tits on Insty, we want the ladies’ version, even if they’re on men. When you want to build your chest while travelling consider letting people rub it for good luck. This rubbing motion should pull out all the hairs and the smooth appearance will make your mounds seem more manly.
If you didn’t know, the biggest muscle on the human body is the smile muscle, located somewhere on your face above your chin and below your nose (right there, in between your cheeks). The best way to build and strengthen and sculpt your smile muscles is to use them often and vigorously, and the best way to do THAT is to come on a Stoke Travel trip and/or trips. It’s as simple as that, and the hottest way to be buff.
Coming on multiple Stoke Travel trips is the best way to work out and build the most important muscles of all, your friendship muscles (the smile band). But don’t neglect your other muscles, because being ripped is like being a god.