Maybe you’ve heard, perhaps you haven’t, but Stoke Travel has made an app! Rather than let the pandemic and dissolving of youth travel kill our momentum, we decided to use…
What to wear to the Royal Ascot
Stoke Travel is getting fancy this year at Royal Ascot in England. If you haven’t heard of it, it’s basically a famous horse race meet where actually posh people rub shoulders with people pretending to be classy by dressing fancy but getting totally wasted. Our girl Queen Elizabeth attends which makes the event so popular and we’ll get good enough seats so you can spot her in the stands… who knows she might join you for a cheeky bevvie.
Not sure what to wear? We got you covered, here’s how you can get frocked up to be messed up (in a classy way of course).
For the Guys
Basic Bitch Chic
Ahh, Tarocash. The Australian bread and butter of formal wear, the definition of smart casual to suit the everyday Aussie bloke. Get yourself a spiffing new jacket paired with the ever classic chino pants. Come on, do we have to spell it out for you? Just leave the speed dealer sunnies at home and for the love of god don’t wear a fedora. If you are hoping to look the exact same as every guy attending the race, then this option is for you.
Frock it Up
No seriously! Men can finally realise their dream of looking fabulous and feeling all different kinds of sexy by wearing a dress this year in a bid to appeal to transgender racegoers. This is the first time men are allowed to wear dresses. So if you want to support a good cause and feel a healthy breeze around your private parts, then why not opt for a flowy summer dress? Heels optional (would make your legs look great though).
Show Off Those Sleeves
Remember, not everybody knows that you’ve got tattoos so make sure to roll up those sleeves and let the world know. Jacket? Who needs one? Not you. Get an extra small shirt, you know, the ones that make the buttons strain a little. That way it’s easier for you to rip it off when you get loose at our royal afterparty, because who doesn’t like to end a day at Royal Ascot wasted, shirtless and passed out in a ditch somewhere? Trust us, you’ll look great and not like a douchebag at all.
Pants just don’t look right unless they’re rolled to the shin, amirite fellas? Seriously, it’s really hard for anyone to take you seriously when your pants are cuffed, especially when they’re already too tight. It just makes you look like a toddler whose pants are too big. If you really can’t help yourself and you absolutely must cuff your pants or the world doesn’t make sense without it, at least wear low socks.
Rock Those Jandals, Son.
“You can’t wear jandals to the Royal Ascot”
“You look stupid with those jandals and socks on mate”
“Can’t you ever make an effort?”
Don’t listen to them, they’re obviously just jealous. If they had the balls to pull off a nice pair of chinos with jandals and socks they would. Everyone knows jandals are the superior footwear of formal events. You do you, and block out the haters.
For the Ladies
A Big ol’ Hat (obviously)
A hat must be worn, no excuses, no arguing, you are wearing a hat. It’s not required, but it’s pretty rude not to. It must be a solid base of four inches and must be as extra as you can make it without looking like there’s a bird nest on your head. We’re talking feathers, mesh, weird shapes, hell, you can even wear your dead stuffed cat and it’ll be a look. Refusal to wear a hat and you’ll be personally executed by the Queen herself. She’s an absolute mad lad. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.
Copy the Queen
It’s no lie that our homegirl is a fashion icon. So, why not take some tips from the Queen B herself and go for an all one colour matching two pieces? We recommend lime green or neon yellow, matching hat, matching shoes, anything that isn’t matching needs to go. It’s called colour blocking, sweetie, and we’re not here to play around. Choose your colour, be comfortable in what you’re wearing, because odds are you’ll spill our complimentary bubbly all over you anyway while you’re getting sloshed at the races.
A Potato Sack
While there is no official dress code for the Windsor Enclosure, ladies you can frock it up but dresses must fall below the knee or longer. Just pop into H&M and find a cheap, print dress and but don’t worry, if you wear a big hat from Claire’s no one will notice you skimped out on the dress. By the time the second round of bubbles has gone down, we’re sure no one will notice that you have the same dress as ten other ladies.
Rep Your Home Country
If you’re from overseas you can wear the national dress of your country. So good news for Aussies, we can finally break out our favourite K-mart singlet, thongs and cork hat (in respect to the fascinator hats). Wrap yourself in an Aussie flag, or even make a dress out of it, and you’re good to go.
Wear Sky High Heels
“Walking on stilts is fun, even more fun when you can’t walk in them. And the best part? When your heels sink into the grass,” said no woman ever. The event is held in England, which means it’s probably going to be raining. So open-toed heels that are covered in muddy grass and meaning you can only shuffle walk all day? Not worth it. And if you’re joining us in our epic after party, you’ll be in for a world of pain. But then again, it’s a great workout for your calves.
If you’re thinking about getting fancy with us this year, then take a look at our packages and book now! Spots fill up pretty fast! As if you need any more convincing, use the promo code “Get Stoked” at checkout for unlimited beer and sangria!
By Sophie Nicolas
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