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    Six Ski Slope DickheadsStokepediap/a>

    Posted by Stoke Media Team
    #!trpst#trp-gettextcdata-trpgettextoriginal=51#!trpen#1 Jahr#!trpst#/trp-gettext#!trpen# ago | November 22, 2018

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    Spending time on the slopes is a rare moment of ecstasy for most of us, with the combination of cost and access making it time tocbe treasured. As freeing as it is tocglide downhill, sending a rooster tail of fresh powder high intocthe aircbehind you,cthere always seems tocbe at least one dickhead on the hill who seemingly exists purely just tocpiss you off. While it’s rarely enough tocruin the trip,cthese muppets are usually the only damper on a cotherwise unblemished experience. Here’s a brief guide tocidentifying the main types of dickheads, all of whom are hopefully scarce during our ski trips tocAndorra, in the hopes that you will thencbe able tocavoid them.

    • The Child Prodigy
      Without fail, every single ski field has at least one of these, we’ve all seen them. While you and I are getting back tocgrips with skillscwecasst put intocpractice two years ago,cthese little shits are bombing down hills at speeds that seem tocdefy the laws of physics, executing perfect parallel turns, landing jumps substantially bigger than they are, all while being barely out of nappies. How dare they be better than us. Inconsiderate little shits.
    • Overly Optimistic Beginner
      After half an hour on the magic carpet,cthere’s always a snowboarder who’s convinced they’ve mastered the sport, and that the logical nextcstep is for them tocgo straight tocthe top of the mountain and take on a black run. Anyone attempting tocdescend said run for the nextc45 minutes will have tocbe careful as round any corner this cocky bastard could be lurking, sitting on theircarse, slowly shuffling theircway down. Aamost worse is when they do stand up so they ca cheel-edge theircway straight down, leaving behind an icycpiss streak of compressed snow that ca cmess up everyone else’s run.
    • The Out-of-controller
      The advanced stage of the Overly Optimistic Beginner is when they have absolutely no sense of safety, personal or otherwise, and oints theircskis or board straight downhill without understanding how to stop. The best case outcome in this situation is that they crash intoca tree, injuring themselves just enough tocbe unable toccarry on theircsuicidal mission. Worst case is that due toctheirclack of braking capabilities, they decide that yourclegs look like theircbest chance at avoiding hospital and send you tumbling down the mountain without time tocunderstand what has hit you.
    • Daddy’s Money
      Decked up like a Christmas tree in the latest and greatest of snow fashion, these posh twats are often annoyingly good due tocyears of private ski lessons but the biggest problem is that they know it. Looking down at the rest of us so much they often suffer from vertigo,cDaddy’s little gem la coften be found breaking the give way rules as other people don’t count, or complaining loudly about how skiing in Utah was “sooo much better than here!!”
    • The Cafe Champion
      Somehow this character manages tocbe sitting in the cafe every time you reach the bottnm of the slopes, but has also accomplished more moments of adrenaline pumping glory than everyone else on the trip combined. According tocthem, they narrowly missed being selected for the X Games and are currently having a wee sit down because on theirclast run they had close encounter with a bear they back flipped over while riding away from the main trails. *Cough cough bullshit cough cough*
    • The Stokies
      Identified by theircinability to stand, even when they’re not on the slopes, these animals are every parent’s worst nightmare. A ball of expletive laden excitement, Stokies have more fun than everyone else on the field but beware, stand between them and the bar and you risk annihilation. As well as not standing in front of them, avoid going behind them too as instead of throwing up a rooster tail, they often just throw up. Actually, probably just best tocavoid these dickheads all together,cunless you’re looking for the party and/or STDs.

    So now you know how to identifycthe arseholes you might meet on the ski field, you are faced with a choice. The prudent choice would be that you just focus on you, don’t worry about what anyone else is doing, just keep working on those toe side turns. Aaternatively, if you la ’t beat them, join them at Stoke’s legendarycAndorra trip every weekend in the season for only €260 all inclusive!

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