Contact Us
























BREAKING: Stoke Travel Bans Donald Trump From All Future Events

Stokepedia

Posted by Stoke Media Team
3 years ago | October 13, 2016

BREAKING: Stoke Travel Bans Donald Trump From All Future Events

The notoriously poor travel company declares that it don’t want his stinkin’ money

BARCELONA, SPAIN

In an unprecedented move, Stoke Travel has banned Donald Trump from all future Stoke Travel events and destinations. Never in the decade that Stoke Travel has operated have we felt the need to ban an individual from all of our products, but Donald Trump is so relentless in his fuckwittery that we found we had no other option.

Stoke Travel’s chairman of the board, Wade Gravy, explains. “Look, we’re not seppos, so we’re unable to vote in the upcoming presidential election, but we really felt like we had to participate somehow in this unholy shitshow.

“So we’re going to hit The Donald where it hurts him and ban him for life from all future Stoke Travel events – including Barcelona boat parties, Stoketoberfest, Moroccan Magic Week – the whole fucken shebang.

“We just couldn’t take his bullshit anymore. From even before this presidential run we were sure that the guy was a complete fuckwit, what with his tiny mouth and baby hands, his fake tan and even faker hairpiece, but then he started to dominate the news cycle with one ‘can you believe this cunt?’ story after another. It’s been relentless. Never has the world been gifted such an utter fucknuckle, and to be frank this breed of pelican is not welcome at Stoke Travel.

“We try to provide arsehole-free events for people, spaces where even the most miserable ballbags can come and have a fun time, and we’re afraid that Trump would completely destroy everything we’ve worked towards.

“Can you imagine him, groping all of the female guests and getting into puerile pissing contests with everybody. Nobody beerbongs like I do. Nobody wants to, you goddamn cheese-beanie, you tipped half the bastard out, and it’s probably half lemonade, you pothole.

“Stoke has long prided itself on being a truly international company, run mostly by Australians. We welcome people from all over the world, and due to many of our guests having dubious relationships with their tourist visas, we believe in building bridges, not walls.

“So yeah, Trump isn’t welcome, and any Stoke Travel trips that may have been booked by Trump will be cancelled without refund. He keeps on bragging about how rich he is, so thanks for the donation, pal.”

Donald Trump wasn’t approached for comment, but would probably blame the Clintons, Mexicans, Muslims, blacks, gays, Republicans, poor people, women, the media, or anyone but himself, for having the dishonour of being the first person banned from a travel company that is literally desperate for more guests.

 


Tagged with: , , , , , ,

Related Trips
Springfest
Germany
Morocco Surf Camp
Africa
Oktoberfest
Germany
Related Articles
If Pillows Could Talk

They’d say things that’d make you puke. Let us paint you a scene. You’ve imbibed the unlimited beer and sangria while pre-gaming for Springfest, the Running of the Bulls, La…

Read More

Springfest Set To Upstage Better Known Cousin

In a power struggle as old as families themselves, Springfest has announced that it’s about time it gets the same recognition as its better-known cousin, Oktoberfest.  “It’s bullshit,” Springfest told…

Read More

Sources Confirm, That Bierfrau is Definitely Into You

According to various experts, that Bavarian Bathsheba who poured your last liter was definitely checking you out.  Sources confirm that, among the several thousand men she served during the festival,…

Read More

5 Things To Eat At Oktoberfest

NOTE: this list totally applies to Springfest, which runs from the 18th April until the 7th of May. Bookings are filling up fast, especially for the first two weekends, so…

Read More

Woman Visiting Springfest Really Enjoying Drinking Beer

Ah, I’m going to enjoy this, she says while cracking her 20th beer that day Munich, Germany. A young American woman has appreciated yet another beer while celebrating Munich’s Frühlingsfest,…

Read More

SPRINGFEST VS. OKTOBERFEST

The Cos and the Pros, the Prosts and the Hosts, the Steins and the Neins, which is the better festival? It’s Springfest vs. Oktoberfest Germany. A mass of central land…

Read More

Oktoberfest in Spring?

If being in Munich in September just doesn’t fit with your plans, you can experience all the same delights at Springfest.

Read More

What is Springfest in Munich?

Springfest is many things – Oktoberfest in spring, Oktoberfest’s lesser-known but cooler younger sister, the warm up for Oktoberfest, and/or Oktoberfest with better weather and less tourists.

Read More

Three big reasons why you’ll love Springfest

Springfest, known locally as frülingsfest, is Germany’s other beer festival. Every year, from mid April to the beginning of May, tens of thousands beer lovers make their way to Munich’s…

Read More

5 Reasons Drinking Beer In Spring Is A Great Idea

With winter upon us it’s easy to turn into a shivering, lifeless blob. Summer picnics and beach days have vanished from memory (along with your motivation to exercise), and life’s…

Read More

Springfest Allows Young Travellers Another Opportunity To Act Like Homeless Alcoholics

Germany’s Springfest, held in Munich ever April-May, offers young backpackers and students yet another opportunity to behave like complete pissheads without compromising their professional nor familial relationships. The festival, held…

Read More

Stoke Travel Wins Major International Travel Prize

And what that means for you. From humble beginnings a decade ago, Stoke Travel’s marquee Stoketoberfest event has won Tour Radar’s coveted “Festival and Events Tour Of The Year”. That…

Read More

Search Stoke Travel Search by Trip, Destination, Month...