Contact Us

























PRESS RELEASE: STOKE TRAVEL TO BE CLOWN-FREE BY 2019

Stokepedia

Posted by Stoke Media Team
2 years ago | June 20, 2017

PRESS RELEASE: STOKE TRAVEL TO BE CLOWN-FREE BY 2019

PRESS RELEASE: STOKE TRAVEL TO BE CLOWN-FREE BY 2019

BARCELONA, SPAIN: after listening to our customers and taking their concerns seriously, Stoke Travel has announced plans to be clown-free within three years. Citing the public’s “very real concerns” about packs of murderous clowns terrorising the general public, and the vast majority of Stoke’s clientele deriving from said public, Stoke Travel’s CEO and founder, Tobias Paramor, released a statement regarding the company’s stance on the clowning craze.

“There’s fucking what? Clowns getting around America and Australia scaring people? That’s a bit-fucking-ridiculous, isn’t it? Yeah, of course we’ll be clown free, but not because clowns are any real threat, but because we run events for adults, I mean, what’s a clown going to do at Stoke? Make a camel out of inflated condoms? Humorously overfill an Oktoberfest tent with amorous partygoers? Watch me pull a bad decision out of my hat. Stokies already do that themselves, they don’t need a clown’s help.

“Aren’t these guys dressing up as clowns just bored Internet trolls whose parents told them to get out of the basement and get some fresh air? ‘The Great Unsexed’, seeking to fill the void of attention that a barren love life has left them with. Stoke doesn’t see this as being a threat to anyone’s safety, so we’re not banning clowns for that, it’s just that this whole thing is a little… I don’t know… lame?

“But look, if people are honestly scared of clowns we’ll ban them, because if there’s one thing we like it’s people turning up to our events. Fucking ban all the fucking clowns, piss them off, no more clowns. Easy. Done. Stoke Travel will be a clown-free zone, but look, it’s going to take a bit of time to implement, because with the colourful rag-tag outfits and face painting and ludicrous/hilarious behaviour 80% of Stoke staff are one colourful wig and/or red nose away from being clowns themselves. Let’s say by 2019.

“Fucking clowns, fuck me dead, of all the things going on in the world people are scared of goddamn clowns.”

toby-clown-2

 


Tagged with: , , ,

Related Trips
Springfest
Germany
Morocco Surf Camp
Africa
Oktoberfest
Germany
Related Articles
Oktoberfest Surprises for Americans: The Good, the Bad, and the Stokie

So you’re gallivanting through Europe and think you’re ready to take on Germany’s biggest, raunchiest, wildest festival: Oktoberfest.  Obviously you want to do it the most lit way possible by…

Read More

If Pillows Could Talk

They’d say things that’d make you puke. Let us paint you a scene. You’ve imbibed the unlimited beer and sangria while pre-gaming for Springfest, the Running of the Bulls, La…

Read More

Springfest Set To Upstage Better Known Cousin

In a power struggle as old as families themselves, Springfest has announced that it’s about time it gets the same recognition as its better-known cousin, Oktoberfest.  “It’s bullshit,” Springfest told…

Read More

Sources Confirm, That Bierfrau is Definitely Into You

According to various experts, that Bavarian Bathsheba who poured your last liter was definitely checking you out.  Sources confirm that, among the several thousand men she served during the festival,…

Read More

5 Things To Eat At Oktoberfest

Now if you’re thinking that Oktoberfest is little more than a gratuitous, beer-soaked orgy of new friends and oompah music, then you’d be right! That’s pretty much all it is,…

Read More

Woman Visiting Springfest Really Enjoying Drinking Beer

Ah, I’m going to enjoy this, she says while cracking her 20th beer that day Munich, Germany. A young American woman has appreciated yet another beer while celebrating Munich’s Frühlingsfest,…

Read More

SPRINGFEST VS. OKTOBERFEST

The Cos and the Pros, the Prosts and the Hosts, the Steins and the Neins, which is the better festival? It’s Springfest vs. Oktoberfest Germany. A mass of central land…

Read More

Oktoberfest in Spring?

If being in Munich in September just doesn’t fit with your plans, you can experience all the same delights at Springfest.

Read More

What is Springfest in Munich?

Springfest is many things – Oktoberfest in spring, Oktoberfest’s lesser-known but cooler younger sister, the warm up for Oktoberfest, and/or Oktoberfest with better weather and less tourists.

Read More

Three big reasons why you’ll love Springfest

Springfest, known locally as frülingsfest, is Germany’s other beer festival. Every year, from mid April to the beginning of May, tens of thousands beer lovers make their way to Munich’s…

Read More

5 Reasons Drinking Beer In Spring Is A Great Idea

With winter upon us it’s easy to turn into a shivering, lifeless blob. Summer picnics and beach days have vanished from memory (along with your motivation to exercise), and life’s…

Read More

Springfest Allows Young Travellers Another Opportunity To Act Like Homeless Alcoholics

Germany’s Springfest, held in Munich ever April-May, offers young backpackers and students yet another opportunity to behave like complete pissheads without compromising their professional nor familial relationships. The festival, held…

Read More

Search Stoke Travel Search by Trip, Destination, Month...