World Cup Final 16 Predictions

Stokepedia

We’re a bit late to this one, because we’ve been too busy watching the World Cup in our Barcelona bar, throwing wine at San Vino and getting ready for Stoked In The Park. But, to be entirely fair to us, we would have thrown our predictive heft behind France, Uruguay and Croatia. We obviously backed Spain over Russia, because it’s where we are right now, and usually, but you can’t predict them all no matter how hard we try.

This year’s World Cup is wild and could be taken out by anybody. So, faced with some difficult decisions to make, we’re putting our reputations on the line and making some predictions for the last four games of the round of 16.

Note: these predictions are written by an Australian and all opinions are his own. Nothing here is meant to be taken seriously, unless of course the predictions come true, in which case we are being 100% serious. Don’t take offence if we don’t predict your favourite team – we’ve got no idea what we’re talking about (and we’re bitter about Australia being knocked out in the group stages).

Brazil VS Mexico, Monday July 2nd, 4pm

Mexico have to be the sentimental favourites after their first game victory over the generally disliked Germany (disliked because they’re so good, not because they’re not nice). Mexico also have nicer food than Brazil, by an Amazonian mile, and nobody in Mexico has stupid hair like Neymar does. But we’re all secretly hoping that Brazil will bring back the joga bonito style of play and make watching them a pleasure again. If they return with some razzle dazzle, then we’ll be backing them to win.

Brazil: 3-1

Belgium VS Japan, Monday July 2nd, 8pm

Belgium are the runaway favourites in this intercontinental clash, but that’s mostly because the world doesn’t respect Asian football (we’re including Australia in that disrespected class). But Asian football is fast, precise, disciplined and worthy of the world’s respect. When will you start giving Asian football a chance?

Belgium: 5-0

Sweden VS Switzerland, Tuesday July 3rd, 4pm

A battle of two nations whose names are often confused and who are pretty similar in work ethic (hard), looks (hot) and boringness (too much). At the end of the day, however, the Swedes are probably hotter and less boring in summer. And the World Cup takes place in summer, a time when Switzerland’s ski slopes have melted down and dried up. Based on the back of the Swedes being the more exciting people this time of the year, we’re going to have to gift them the win.

Sweden: 3-2 (overtime)

Colombia VS England, Tuesday July 3rd, 8pm

While Colombia are looking pretty lacklustre at the moment, they are looking hotter than the English who suffer from a diet of Cornish pasties and fish and chips (versus the Colombian diet of ceviche, cocaine and plastic surgery). But as much as we like to rag on the “Poms”, at the end of the day they’re our fellow Commonwealth partner, we have a lot of great events running out of London, like our London Big Day Out, Royal Ascot and the London to Oktoberfest train. We don’t have a Bogota to Munich train journey planned, so we’re going with Old Blighty.

England: 1-1 on penalties.

Are we right? Are we wrong? Are we stupid? Join us at Stoked In The Park where we’ll be playing all matches on the big screen, as well as pretty much going mad at Pamplona’s biggest party within Spain’s biggest party (San Fermin).